So. I just returned from a fantastic visit to the City of Brotherly Love where there were cheese steaks to be had, a medical museum of oddities to be spied upon, deliciously creepy haunted prisons with peeling paint and long lost patrons to be reckoned with, hand-dipped soft serve melt-in-your-mouth ice cream cones nommed upon, and a nighttime tour of the city all ghost hunters style. But today. Today's the
really big day.
95 miles
800 sellers
4 counties
6 towns
+ yours truly
That's right. I'm talking about the Tennessee Highway 52 Yard Sale. AKA: (
the second longest yard sale in Tennessee!)
I've been looking forward to this all
year. Not only because I get to sample a wide variety of forgotten attic storage/just cleaned out the basement from last year's flood/leftover dollar store remnants/I-think-it's-trash-but-I'm-gonna-tell-you-it's-an-teeque-so-that-I-can-slap-an-extra-10-bucks-on-that-price-tag treasures, but because I MISSED IT LAST YEAR. Which means I have to double down. Take no prisoners. Scour for the Good Stuff. Leave the junk behind.
I've been studying up. Learning from the best of the best. And by that, of course, I mean everything I've learned I've learned from one of the greatest zombie movies out there: Zombieland.
Rule #1 is always a good one to follow. Cardio is important. You have to pace yourself. Wearing down your haggling skills and negotiation tactics by the 8th stop? You've got problems. There are 400 more stops to go! Man up, soldier!
Rule #4 is a must have too. There will be cars stopping every two seconds, horns honking, weaving in and out of traffic, pedestrians crossing, and hagglers haggling. You have to be quick. You have to be nimble. You have to be able to say "YES! I want to stop THERE. I see an ANTIQUE FAINTING COUCH FOR ONLY TEN DOLLARS!!" (true story) at the drop of a hat. But remember: You can't snag everything. You will miss something.
Don't be a hero. Let that amazing table and chair set go. There will be another. Actually... a dozen others.
Rule #8: Get a kickass partner.
Absolute.Necessity. You need someone to play bad cop to your good cop. To keep an eye out on the left side while you watch the right. To give you the baseball signal. You know, the one that says, no, stop. Or keep going. And my favorite: bring it all the way home. Your partner will trample through the wild grass, brave fields of wet mud, and grab you that last porcelain bust of George Washington which you suddenly need because how else can you make it through the day without seeing
that at least once in your entryway? Your partner is the most important part of the day. Choose wisely.
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